A Very Special Marriage Page 9

  She frowned because she simply couldn’t imagine Liam being able to maintain a lie. He’d always been too open and honest to resort to subterfuge. Nevertheless, he’d lied about his relationship with Amanda, hadn’t he? He’d not only told her he’d been working when he’d been seeing the other woman, but he’d also told her that he hadn’t had an affair when she’d challenged him. At the time she’d been too hurt and angry to really think about it, but all of a sudden she found herself wondering how Liam had managed to keep on telling all those lies…

  Unless he hadn’t been lying to her, of course.

  She put the cup on the table because her hands were trembling and she was afraid she might drop it. It felt as though her head was going to burst from all the thoughts that were crowding into it. What if Liam had been telling her the truth all along and she just hadn’t believed him? She’d been so heartbroken after Zoë had died that she’d found it impossible to deal rationally with the thought that he had betrayed her. She hadn’t even considered the fact that it might have been a silly misunderstanding. Oh, he had tried to explain but she had refused to listen because it had been too much to cope with on top of everything else. But maybe she should have listened, should have tried to understand, should have had more faith in him!

  Sophie bit her lip because there was no way she could close her mind to the truth. Liam had told her that very day how much he’d loved her and she had wondered what had caused his feelings to change, so was this the answer? Had it been her own lack of trust that had destroyed his love for her?

  Liam checked his watch, wondering how soon he could make his exit without appearing rude. He’d been on pins all through dinner in case he made a fool of himself. Sitting opposite Sophie had been both a torment and a delight—a delight because she’d been close enough to see and hear her, and a torment because he’d been unable to touch her.

  Sophie was strictly off-limits, he reminded himself. Forbidden. Verboten. If he told himself often enough then maybe—just maybe—it would sink in.

  ‘Are you two young people going dancing tonight?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘No!’ Liam summoned a smile when he saw Gloria’s surprise as both he and Sophie answered with a resounding negative. ‘I think that’s a no from both of us. I expect Sophie is as worn out as I am after last night.’

  ‘Of course.’ Gloria patted his arm. ‘Randolph told me that you two had to deal with some sort of emergency. Still, there will be plenty more nights when you’ll be able to have fun, won’t there?’

  ‘I expect so.’ Liam hurriedly stood up because that comment had hit a nerve. Sophie wouldn’t have many more nights to enjoy herself on the ship and it was all his fault. He dredged up a smile for the benefit of the elderly couple but he couldn’t help feeling bad about ruining her plans.

  ‘I hope you won’t think me rude but I’m going to have an early night and try to catch up on some of the sleep I missed.’

  ‘That sounds like a very sensible idea,’ Gloria assured him. ‘We’ll see you tomorrow at breakfast, I expect.’

  ‘I think I’ll have an early night as well,’ Sophie said, quickly following suit. She shook her head when Randolph went to rise. ‘No, please, don’t get up. Enjoy the rest of your evening.’

  She led the way across the room and Liam slowly followed, hoping that he might be able to avoid walking back to their cabins with her if he dallied long enough. Maybe it was cowardly but he didn’t trust himself not to say the wrong thing after what had just happened. He was bitterly aware that Sophie could have carried on with her plans if he hadn’t taken this job and he couldn’t help feeling guilty about the problems he’d caused for her.

  Fortunately, Mike stopped him on the way out to ask if Liam would consider joining him for a game of squash the following day, so that provided a welcome delay. Liam spent several minutes sorting out the arrangements so that it came as a surprise when he discovered that Sophie had waited outside for him.

  ‘Sorry about that. Mike wanted to know if I’d play squash with him,’ he explained, wondering what she wanted to speak to him about. There was obviously something on her mind because he could see how on edge she looked, and his heart fitted in an extra couple of beats as he wondered what was wrong.

  ‘So you still play?’

  ‘Occasionally.’ He shrugged as they crossed the foyer with its gleaming Italian marble floor and crystal chandeliers. ‘I’ve not had much opportunity to play in the past year. Squash courts are non-existent where I was working.’

  ‘I suppose they are.’ She sounded distracted and Liam sighed as he put his hand on her arm and turned her to face him.

  ‘What is it, Sophie? I can tell something is worrying you.’

  ‘There is…’ She stopped as a group of people came out of the bar. One of the men had a handful of party poppers and Liam felt her jump when there was a loud bang. He nodded towards the deck.

  ‘Do you want to go outside? It should be a bit quieter out there.’

  ‘Yes, if you don’t mind.’

  She didn’t say anything else as she swiftly made her way to the doors that led to the promenade deck. Liam followed her with his heart racing. Something was definitely wrong and he couldn’t help feeling nervous, even though he had no idea what it was.

  They made their way to a secluded spot near the prow of the ship and stopped. There was a light breeze blowing that night and he saw her smooth down her dress when the wind tugged playfully at the delicate chiffon layers. He turned and stared out to sea, trying to prepare himself, but it was hard to know how he was going to react to whatever Sophie wanted to tell him.

  ‘I need to ask you something, Liam.’

  He stiffened when he heard the tension in her voice. ‘I see.’

  ‘But before I do, will you promise me that you’ll tell me the truth?’

  She turned to look at him and his heart ached when he saw the anguish in her eyes. He knew then that he would promise her the world if it would make her feel better.

  ‘Yes. I promise,’ he replied thickly.

  ‘All right, then…did you have an affair with Amanda?’

  Sophie could feel a tremor working its way through her body and gripped hold of the handrail for support. She knew it was a risk to ask Liam that but she had to know the truth…

  ‘No. I didn’t.’

  His voice was so flat and unemotional that it took a moment for the actual words to sink in. Sophie bit her lip as a wave of sickness washed over her but she couldn’t afford to break down when she had to clear up this misunderstanding.

  ‘And those times when you were supposed to be working late?’ she said in a dull little voice.

  ‘That was exactly what I was doing. I was at the hospital each time.’

  This time his voice grated, although whether from anger or frustration at having to answer her questions, she had no idea. She turned and stared at the black swell of the waves again while her mind struggled to adjust to what she’d just learned.

  Liam hadn’t had an affair.

  All those hours he’d spent away from home he’d been working.

  She had made the most dreadful mistake by not believing him.

  ‘The only time I wasn’t working was the night I spent at Amanda’s flat. And absolutely nothing happened that night either.’

  She had to force herself to concentrate when he continued because the throbbing ache inside her was making her feel sick. ‘What made you decide to stay the night at her flat in the first place?’

  ‘Because I was too drunk to make my way home.’ He shrugged when she glanced at him in surprise but she saw the regret in his eyes. It made her feel even worse because he had nothing to reproach himself for.

  ‘All the heartache I’d been bottling up over Zoë just caught up with me and I went out and got seriously drunk. If Amanda hadn’t offered me a bed, I would have spent the night on the streets. She took me home and let me sleep on her couch. That was all there was to it.’

&n
bsp; ‘Why didn’t you tell me at the time?’

  ‘Because I was too ashamed of what I’d done,’ he replied with heart-wrenching honesty. ‘You assumed I’d been working so I left it at that.’

  ‘And that’s how the story about you two having an affair must have started,’ she said hollowly. ‘Someone found out that you’d spent the night at Amanda’s flat and put two and two together.’

  ‘Yes. I don’t know who started it. Probably one of Amanda’s friends, having a bit of fun. But I never had an affair with Amanda or with anyone else.’

  She heard him take a deep breath and suddenly wished with all her heart that she could stop him saying anything else. It was bad enough having to deal with what she’d learned so far without adding to her guilt.

  ‘I loved you, Sophie. You and Zoë were the only people who really mattered to me. I know you didn’t believe me at the time, but I hope you believe me now so we can try to put it all behind us at last.’

  He took her hands and his fingers were icy cold despite the warmth of the night. ‘That’s the reason why I was so desperate to see you again. I need to draw a line under the past and make a fresh start.’

  He didn’t say anything else but he didn’t need to because Sophie understood what he meant. He wanted to draw that line so that he could make a fresh start with Julia.

  Pain ripped through her and she bit her lip because it would be far too easy to say something she would regret. It was too late to apologise for her blindness, her stubbornness, her…her lack of trust! Liam loved someone else now, a woman who would never make the mistakes she’d made or suffer the consequences. Julia would give him the happiness he deserved and she wouldn’t say anything to make him feel bad about it.

  ‘Thank you. I appreciate your honesty, Liam. I’m only sorry…’ She stopped because there must be no more talk of the past from now on. ‘I’m sure you know what I mean so let’s leave it at that.’

  She reached up and kissed him lightly on the cheek and it was all she could do to step back when she ached to throw her arms around him and beg his forgiveness.

  ‘I hope that you and Julia will be very happy’ she said huskily, her voice thick with unshed tears. ‘You deserve to be, Liam. Really you do.’

  He didn’t try to stop her when she moved away. He didn’t call her name or say anything, in fact. Maybe he’d already started to cut her out of his life now they’d sorted out their past misunderstandings.

  Sophie went to her cabin and sank down on the bed. There was a hollow feeling inside her, a sense of loss so deep that it felt as though the world had come to an end. It was stupid, really, because the life she’d had with Liam had ended a long time ago, but even though her mind understood that, her heart couldn’t seem to accept it. For some reason it felt as though she’d just lost him all over again.

  ‘If you could try to raise your arm for me, Mr Jenkins…That’s fine. I can tell it’s uncomfortable so just relax.’

  Liam sat down behind the desk. It was the fifth day of the cruise and once again a number of people had turned up for surgery that morning. The ship wasn’t due to dock until the following day and he’d discovered that the number of patients he saw fluctuated according to their schedule.

  If they were due in port early in the day then people put up with their ailments while they went sightseeing. However, if they weren’t due to dock until the evening, they visited the surgery. At least he had an idea of what to expect, which was something. It helped to have some structure to his working life when his private one seemed to be in such turmoil.

  ‘Do you have any idea what’s wrong with me, Dr Kennedy?’ Alan Jenkins, a retired company director from London, grimaced as he rotated his left shoulder. ‘This shoulder’s been giving me gyp for a couple of weeks now. I’ve tried taking paracetamol for the pain but it doesn’t seem to help very much.’

  ‘I’m afraid you’re suffering from supraspinatus syndrome, or painful arc syndrome if you prefer a less fancy name.’

  Liam summoned a smile but it was difficult to shake off the feeling of frustration which had been his constant companion since the night he and Sophie had spoken about the past. That had been two days ago and he hadn’t tried broaching the subject again because she hadn’t given him an opportunity to do so. She was always pleasant, always professional while they were in work, but extremely distant. It was as though she had deliberately erased their past relationship from her mind.

  ‘So what exactly is painful arc syndrome, Dr Kennedy?’

  ‘It’s caused by inflammation of a tendon or a bursa—a fluid-filled pad that acts as a cushion around a joint.’ Liam hastily refocused his thoughts on work. ‘In your case, pain occurs when the arm is raised away from the body and the tendon or bursa is squeezed between the top of the shoulder-blade and the upper arm bone.’

  ‘But what’s caused this inflammation, Doctor?’ Margaret Jenkins, Alan’s wife, put in. ‘Alan has always been so healthy. He’s never had a problem like this before.’

  ‘Usually inflammation is caused by pressure or repeated strain being put on the affected area. Housemaid’s knee and tennis elbow are both prime examples.’

  ‘How about golf?’ Margaret shot a speaking look at her husband. ‘Alan has taken up golf since he retired and he’s on the golf course morning, noon and night. He only agreed to come on this cruise after he found out there was a driving range on board!’

  Liam smiled. ‘Well, I have to say it does sound like a possible cause. Each time your husband swings a golf club he’s putting more strain on the affected area.’

  ‘See. I told you that you were spending too much time at the club!’ Margaret glared at her husband. ‘The holiday is going to be completely ruined now by you complaining that you’re in pain all the time.’

  ‘I can give your husband an injection to ease the pain,’ Liam cut in, hoping to restore harmony. ‘Corticosteroids will make a huge difference so long as you rest your arm, of course, Mr Jenkins.’

  ‘Oh, he’ll rest it all right.’ Margaret stood up. ‘I’m going to tell the steward to stow those wretched golf clubs in the hold. And you just be grateful that I don’t tell him to throw them overboard!’

  Alan sighed as his wife left the room. ‘Looks as though I’m in the doghouse.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Liam apologised wryly.

  ‘Not your fault, Doctor. You’re only doing your job and I’ll be glad to have an end to this pain.’ Alan chuckled. ‘Anyway, it’s a husband’s place to be in the wrong, isn’t it?’

  Liam simply smiled as he got up to fetch the drugs. He’d been wrong not to make Sophie listen two years ago when he’d tried to tell her the truth, and he’d paid the price for it, too. If they had talked then they might never have got divorced.

  It was odd how painful he found that thought, bearing in mind that he should be far more concerned about his future plans. He gave Alan the injection then told him to see Sophie on his way out so she could explain about the billing arrangements. The passengers had to pay for any treatment they received whilst they were on board the ship, but as they were covered by insurance it didn’t appear to present a problem.

  He took Alan out to the front office, fixing a neutral expression on his face when Sophie looked up. So far as she was concerned, they had sorted everything out and it would be wrong to let her see that the mistakes he’d made in the past still plagued him.

  ‘Would you explain to Mr Jenkins about the charges, please, Sophie?’

  ‘Of course.’ She treated him to a smile which was neither overly warm nor excessively chilly and Liam swallowed his sigh. If only he could accept what had happened as she seemed to have done then maybe he would feel better about it.

  He went back to his office to await the next patient. There was still half an hour left before surgery was due to end and someone might turn up. Sitting down at his desk, he thought about what had happened. Even though he didn’t feel that he’d handled the situation very well, at least he’d managed to solve
some of his problems. Now it was time to start making plans. Julia was due to return to England in September, by which time he would have completed his contract on board the Esmeralda. Maybe they should think about setting the date for their wedding then? After all, there was nothing to stop them…

  Apart from the fact that he still wasn’t sure if it was what he wanted. Could he really see himself and Julia spending the next forty odd years together?

  Liam frowned as he tried to picture their future life together. Of course, it might have helped if he’d had an idea where they would be living but he hadn’t. They might decide to settle in England, go back to Africa or even start afresh somewhere entirely different. There was absolutely no point dreaming about a cottage with roses around the door and a stream at the bottom of the garden.

  His heart sank when it struck him that it had been the dream he and Sophie had shared. They’d wanted a cottage in the country with a huge garden where their children could play in safety. They’d decided to have three and had agreed that it didn’t matter if they were boys or girls.

  He frowned again. He and Julia had never discussed issues like where they would live and how many children they wanted. He had no idea if she even wanted a family because the subject simply hadn’t arisen. Their conversations had centred on the clinic and the constant problems of keeping it running with so few resources.

  If he was being completely honest then he actually knew very little about her. He had no idea what her tastes were in music or films, if she enjoyed holidays by the sea or preferred to spend her time in the country. Their work had drawn them together—a shared desire to do their very best for the people they treated. But was it the only thing they had in common?

  Liam felt a sudden tightness in his chest as panic hit him. He’d accepted that he didn’t love Julia the way he’d loved Sophie but did he love her at all? He needed to make up his mind about that before he went any further.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  A HEAT wave had hit Malta by the time the Esmeralda docked at Valletta on the Saturday morning. Temperatures had soared to over a hundred degrees during the previous week and everyone who was planning to go ashore had been warned to use a high-factor sunscreen and drink plenty of bottled water.